Ramesses Revisited

In elementary school, the Academically Gifted class (shocker, I’ve been a nerd since way back when) was scheduled to take a trip to see the Ramesses exhibit at Discovery Place in Charlotte. I don’t recall being particularly interested in Egyptian Pharaohs or hieroglyphics or mummies but I remember being OVER THE MOON excited about this field trip. It was not just any regular field trip, a short jaunt on the blue school bus to somewhere we’d already been. This field trip was all the way to Charlotte, which is practically on the other side of the planet from the small town I was raised in, on a charter bus. A charter bus?? How cool! I looked forward to it for weeks!

And then it snowed and the roads were covered with ice and the trip was cancelled. And I was DEVASTATED. There may or may not have been tears.

Today was Ramesses revisited.  

Anyone who knows me knows that I have a love for all things Christian Kane. He was the inaugural Monday Music Review on this site. His movies are at the top of my Netflix queue. His CDs are in my house, in my car, and at my desk. A montage calendar, made by fellow Kaniac and friend Melissa, hangs in my office (complete with a post-it t-shirt because one my co-workers complained that CK didn’t have a shirt on in one photo. Instead of taking Christian down, I covered him up (a little)… and yes, in case you wondered, the post-it t-shirt says “I Heart MaryB” in I Heart NY fashion). Youtube is bookmarked and Kane classics play in my office all day long. And, not too long ago I got tickets to the Stout Pull at Coyote Joe’s in Charlotte for tonight, where Christian Kane is joining Jarrod Niemann, Josh Thompson, and Jake Owen for an acoustic showdown.

A concert on a weeknight? A drive to Charlotte for something other than work? Totally out of my element, right? Right! But 2011 is my year for adventures. I was, just like in 5^th grade, OVER THE MOON excited about this concert. And then it snowed. Or rather iced and I spent the better part of my day researching road and weather conditions between here and the Queen City, looking up flight information (Christian was flying in from Oklahoma where he, by the way, played at the Governor’s Inauguration Ball last night- how cool!),  calling co-workers stationed in Greensboro, Hickory, and Charlotte to get their take on the roads (because, let me assure you, if an officer won’t drive it, you shouldn’t either). They all said “Don’t go.” So, I kept calling around in hopes of finding one single solitary voice that would make my 2.5 hour slide into Coyote Joe’s OK. And I could find none. And so, with the concert on GO, and Christian Kane in my sights, I decided not to go. And I was DEVASTATED. There may or may not have been tears.

But I have plans to see Christian Kane again in a few weeks so why was this one night such a big deal? Where was all this devastation coming from?

Although I adore Christian Kane and will watch, listen, and drool over anything he does, he was not the reason (well, not the sole reason) for my heartbreak today. This is about something bigger. Bigger than my Kane addiction? Hard to believe, I know, but yes.

This was supposed to be my year of adventure yet the first chance I get to be spontaneous, to take a day off work to go to a frivolous concert, to stay up really late on a work night, to be marginally irresponsible, what do I do? I opt for common sense and stay home. My first big chance to step outside of my box and I hide in the corner. My first chance in a long time to be wild and crazy and I choose to be reserved and cautious. I’m not as much disappointed in missing the concert as I am disappointed in myself. For all my talk about growing, reaching, and expanding, the core of me is still grounded in being responsible. I think about the potential consequences. I worry about the possibilities. I fret over the finances. For as much as I want to fly by the seat of my pants tonight and not worry about the rest until tomorrow, I’m just not quite there. I guess I have all year to work on it. So, instead of dancing on a bar into the wee hours of the morning with Christian Kane and the band tonight, I’ll be here, at home. Maybe I’ll crank up The House Rules, sing at the top of my lungs and dance around my kitchen. Maybe I’ll eat some ice cream out of the bucket. Yep, I have a feeling it’s gonna be a wild and crazy night.

PS- And, by the way, just got a Tweet from Christian- he’s stuck in Dallas and can’t get to Charlotte either so maybe I didn’t miss much after all.