Most of you know I like to keep this blog light and fun. But twice this week, I’ve ventured to that deep dark place where patience and madness collide, where ugly thoughts and evil wishes rise to the surface, where words my mama wouldn’t be proud of fly out of my face… you know the place- Customer Service hell. Yep, been there twice this week… and when saying, “Don’t make me blog about this” didn’t get me anywhere, I am forced to stay true to my word and tell you all about it.
All I wanted was an early upgrade on my cell phone so that I can talk to Robert across the globe without being tied to the computer at the house. Sounds easy enough, right? So off to the cell phone store we go. But they say I’m not eligible for an upgrade and a new phone will cost 649. And that’s not 6 dollars and 49 cents, ya’ll. Six hundred and forty-nine dollars. That I don’t have to spare even though I work three jobs. And so I leave the store, with my lip poked out and a grown-up version of a two-year old’s temper tantrum brewing within me.
Based on recommendations from my co-workers, I called Customer Service to see if somebody’s supervisor’s supervisor could help change my eligibility date so that I could get the phone I need at a price I could live with.
And 47 minutes later... Yep, 47 long, put on hold no less than seven times, minutes later, I was still no closer to getting what I need. Here’s the problem and I’m pretty sure you’ll see the core of my discontent pretty quickly.
I signed a two year contract in March 2010. I got a simple plan because I didn’t text a lot then. Somewhere along the way, I changed my plan because it only takes one month of going over your allowed texts to realize that a few extra LOLs can really break the bank. Strike One: opting for the long range contract (over the shorter 1 year option) forces you to wait 20 months for a new phone (in the life of cell phone advances, 20 months might as well be 20 years, if you ask me). Strike Two: upping your minutes to actually pay them more per month de-activates your eligibility for an early upgrade (now how much sense does it make to punish a customer for giving you more money each month?). And Strike Three: the cell phone company signed some sort of contract with Apple that makes it “impossible” to change anyone’s eligibility or plan status. (Good job, legal department. Way to build in an exception clause.) Three strikes and that’s the ballgame, folks.
I did write a nasty email to the company and used all the big words I could think of- atrocious, deplorable, inconsiderate, unfathomable, and on and on. I’m pretty sure it didn’t do any good. I’m still sitting here with a phone that can’t do what I need it to do.
What floors me is that the exact same phone that would cost me 649 today would be given to a brand new customer for 199. How’s that for rewarding customer loyalty? I understand that they are in business to make money and if they made an exception for me today, they’d be losing 350 dollars. For a company that made 10.2 Billion, yep Billion with a B, dollars in profits last year, 350 measly dollars doesn’t seem like much of a compromise to keep a loyal, long-time customer. But I suppose that’s how they made their 10.2 billion- 350 at a time. What boggles me as much as that is why a company that is savvy enough to make that kind of profit would sign a contract with Apple that doesn’t have any way to make an exception to eligibility dates. I mean, really, what’s it take for a girl to get a loophole around here?
I haven’t heard back from my email to the company; I’m pretty sure their only course of action at this point will be to put me on the Crazy Customer Watch List. Since their coverage really is the best, I’m pretty much stuck in cell phone jail and I’ll probably just wait out my time like a good little prisoner. But if you have any ideas on how to best execute a prison break from the cell phone, let me know.
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